Sunday, December 18, 2011

Me? A guest

I was so grateful to be asked by another fellow blogger to do an interview for her blog.  I want to say thank you to this blogger for asking me.  The fellow blogger is infertilemormonmommy her blog is a wonderful blog to read. 

go check out my interview here

I also shared a new picture.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

OUR LITTLE ANGEL IS BEING THE BEST BIG SISTER ALREADY!!! 

Hubby and I found out in July that we were pregnant we found out yesterday what we were going to be having.  We are going to be having another little girl.  I know our little angel is already up there watching over me and her sister. 

I have a new blog for the pregnancy if you would like to read it you can go HERE

Monday, July 18, 2011

Comfort Words

(warning long blog post: if you don't have the time to read the article just read the pink quotes and than my thoughts at the end of this article.  If you have the time to read this I encourage you to do so.)

Joseph Smith talked to Parents who lose children in death will receive them in the resurrection just as they laid them down.

At the funeral of two-year-old Marian Lyon, the Prophet said: “We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …
“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.”5
“A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”6
“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”7
President Joseph F. Smith, the sixth President of the Church, reported: “Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ‘You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.’
“In 1854, I met with my aunt [Agnes Smith], the wife of my uncle, Don Carlos Smith, who was the mother of that little girl [Sophronia] that Joseph Smith, the Prophet, was speaking about, when he told the mother that she should have the joy, the pleasure, and the satisfaction of rearing that child, after the resurrection, until it reached the full stature of its spirit; and that it would be a far greater joy than she could possibly have in mortality, because she would be free from the sorrow and fear and disabilities of mortal life, and she would know more than she could know in this life. I met that widow, the mother of that child, and she told me this circumstance and bore testimony to me that this was what the Prophet Joseph Smith said when he was speaking at the funeral of her little daughter.”8
Mary Isabella Horne and Leonora Cannon Taylor each lost a young child in death. Sister Horne recalled that the Prophet Joseph Smith gave the two sisters these words of comfort: “He told us that we should receive those children in the morning of the resurrection just as we laid them down, in purity and innocence, and we should nourish and care for them as their mothers. He said that children would be raised in the resurrection just as they were laid down, and that they would obtain all the intelligence necessary to occupy thrones, principalities and powers.”




I was missing my little angel today.  I was sitting in church listening to the Missionaries talk about the trials that we go through.  I was thinking about my little angel and how I wish she could be with us.  We than sang Come, Come Ye Saints...
And should we die before our journey’s through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too

(source) 
 I started to cry yes full on cry... I had to wipe away my tears.  I had a wonderful feeling come over me.  My daughter doesn't have to live through the stress and trials of what is going to come.  Instead she gets to greet me and I will than to get to raise her free from sorrow and fear of our mortal life.  I love her so much and I just miss her.
  

Saturday, July 9, 2011

It's up and running

My new blog is up and running... I don't have any buttons yet or anything fancy smancy just a couple of new posts here is the link:


This new blog is about us trying to get pregnant again and when we do I can post about my pregnancy so that is why that is the name.

plans

I have become a blogger addict.  I'm working on a new Step At A Time Blog this one is dedicated to my daughter and I want to have a blog that is a little more personal with you followers of this blog.  I don't know when I'm going to open it up for the public right now it is private so that I can work on it and make it the way I would like it when I feel like it is complete I will post a blog on here to let you know and you can head on over and read the new blog.  I will keep this blog going because I will need to still write down my feelings about my daughter.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the middle of Brainstorming for a new blog.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Just some thoughts

  I haven't really been writing down how I'm doing since the birth of my daughter.  This is how I have been feeling...
 * I laugh
 * I smile
 * I live
 * I love
 * I'm Happy
 * I'm Sad
 for the most part I keep on living my life.

My road trip by myself was wonderful.  I had a great time being able to see my friend and her little newborn baby.  I had a great time snuggling up to the cute little baby.
It is nice knowing that I can go on a road trip by myself and being able to have a fun journey.  I got to sing loudly to my music in the car.  I got to enjoy the beauty of the mountains and the open fields.  I got to enjoy the rain to the sunshine on the way there and the way back.  I'm proud to say I can drive through a heavy rainstorm and come out on the other side with the sun.  I loved Winnie-the-Pooh when I was little I remember watching the cartoon when I was little.  Well whenever I see rain clouds I think of the song Winnie-the-Pooh bear sings "I'm just a little black rain cloud..." I always picture the page or the cartoon when he covers himself up and sings the song to get to the honey bees.  The page and the cartoon it is a beautiful day around him.  I always think well I know somewhere beyond this little rain cloud the sun is out and shining and it will shine sometime soon.  My life has had a little rain cloud hanging over me since my daughter.  Some days I have the little rain cloud other days I have the sun.  It was such a nice feeling to drive through the rain and see the sun shining.  I know that one day it will be just the sun shining.  I wanted to tell you about Winnie-the-Pooh because when we were first married I bought some cute little quotes on pieces of wood to decorate our first apartment.  Well the decoration eventually came to live in my daughters nursery because I just wanted a saying of Winnie-the-Pooh for my little girl to be able to look at and read.
here is the quote...

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
A.A. Milne
I read this when I got home from the hospital and it was such a great little comfort my friend when she came over one day took a picture of it because she thought it was such a cute saying.  We now have it hanging up in our hallway in our new place and whenever I see it this is a simple reminder.  So going on this road trip I wasn't alone and I had the company of my daughter watching over me.
as for my journey through this it is still a step at a time.
I walk a little braver, I'm stronger than what I believe.

Quote of the day

Sunday, June 5, 2011

just EXCITED!

I just have to say this...

I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT MY LITTLE ROAD TRIP COMING UP!!!



THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO ON MY ROAD TRIP

*seeing one of my best friends
*getting to hold a new born
*getting some good fun girl time
*being able to take my time getting there
*being able to have time to think and ponder about life

Saturday, June 4, 2011

ME

 I have been thinking that I need to share a little bit about me to show that I truly am going through this experience.  I have shared the story of my daughter, the story of us.  But I haven't really sat down and wrote about me.  I made this blog so that someone could come and see that they are not going through loosing a baby alone.  Someone else is going through the same thing and they are not alone.  I still am telling my story.  But I'm also getting better.  I love my daughter I think of her daily but I don't want to dwell on the what if's?  I have the days that I go through the what if's in life they are not the best days.  

What is?
  • your favorite COLOR?  > if you asked me a year ago I could of told you it is red.  It matters on the shade of red.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of told you pink.  ask me today what my favorite color is and I would I have to go with YELLOW, BLUE, and GREEN.
  • your favorite FOOD? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said steak, or a pot roast cooked in the crock pot.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said Watermelon with Salt on it.  ask me today what my favorite food is I would have to return to steak.
  • your favorite CANDY BAR? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said m&m's.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said jolly ranchers, chewy fruit candies and no chocolate unless it is a butterfinger.  ask me today what my favorite candy bar is I would have to say anything with Chocolate.
What is?
  • your least favorite COLOR? > my least favorite color right now is purple.
  • your least favorite FOOD? > my least favorite food would have to be ___________ I'll let you know when I get one.
  • your least favorite CANDY BAR? > my least favorite candy bar is anything with dark chocolate.
Why the changes with my favorites because I get new experiences every couple of months and my life is always changing.  I also wanted to write about the things that I was craving when I was pregnant with my daughter and the things that are now my favorites.
My favorite color is the only one I really want to explain.  I have always changed my mind with colors since I can remember so it is fun to see them change.  My favorite color was pink all last year whenever I saw anything pink I wanted it.  I know the reason why it was pink because my favorite color when I was little was pink and I wanted my daughter to love pink also.  Yellow is now one of my favorite colors and that is because my daughter wore a yellow dress and she shined in that dress.  Green is because her blanket that is behind my pillow is green and that is the last thing I see before I go to sleep.  Blue because if it blue sky's outside it is the perfect day to be outside and enjoying the weather.

*sorry that the post was so long but I just wanted you to know a little bit more about me  

Friday, June 3, 2011

life and goals

I want to set some goals for me.  I have been sleeping a lot lately.  I'm not liking how much I sleep.  It is making it so that I don't have enough time to clean, go see my family, and friends.  It could be because I have been missing my baby a lot more usually.  I also think that I'm stressed one night each week I dread going into work.  I have been clenching my teeth I have never clenched my teeth.  I find myself having to open my mouth so that it can relax and not clench.  My jaw is currently hurting because I found myself clenching my teeth 5 minutes ago.  I don't know if it is stress/depression that is getting to me.  So I find myself wanting to have some goals in motion.

          GOALS:
  • to stop drinking caffeine. drink more water.
  • to start going walking in the mornings after work.
  • to start looking for the positives in work.
  • to do a half an hour of cleaning each day.
I'm just going to do some simple feel good goals for right now.

Maybe doing small things will help with my sleeping problem and also my teeth clenching.  Who knows  I guess I will see changes soon hopefully.

On a happy note one of my best friends had her baby.  The friend who I threw the baby shower for had her baby so I will be taking a trip up to see her and her baby next week.  I'm excited/scared.  Excited to see my friend.  Scared because this is the longest trip I will have ever taken by myself.

Monday, May 30, 2011

counting blessings

I haven't been blogging much and I'm sorry for that I have been working on a project instead and I'm happy to say it is finally complete.  Have you heard of shutterfly it is a website where you can make books, cards, get prints and more.  Well my hubs computer died in February the week we were moving perfect timing and he needed one for school.  We went to get him a new computer and with the new computer shutterfly for a promo added to his computer package to get a free 8x8 book.  That was in February I know and it is now the end of May.  For the free book I have been making a scrapbook for our daughter.  It has been one BIG project and I'm so happy that I got it complete.  The one downside to this website is the text box.   You can't hit copy and paste.  I wrote my daughter a letter while I was in the hospital with her and I wanted to add it I already had it typed up it was 6 pages single space and I couldn't copy and paste.  I also had to go through and shorten some of the letter.  I have been working on typing that up and than going through it over and over to make sure there were no little mistakes.
  Along with that project I planned one of my best friends baby shower.  It was fun to give my friend that shower and to see the happiness on her face.  It was lots of fun.  This month has been full of the ups and full of the downs.  The Saturday before Mothers day a local venue let the families that have angel babies come and walk around the gardens.  I went with my mom, sister and her baby.  It was a nice day and it was fun to be out with them.  I work midnights so that night is when it really really hit me.  I missed my little girl more than anything.  All I could think about is how big she would be, if she would love to cuddle and give kisses.  My hubby also was missing her so we both had a cry that morning for our daughter.  It was a hard holiday to go through.  We went and saw our moms and gave them flowers.  My hubby gave me a necklace with the birthstone of our daughters birth month.
  Memorial day is today and lets just say Mothers day feelings are coming back.  Memorial day has always been a go put some flowers on Grandpa's grave than get together with families.  This year we have flowers to buy for 3 graves and my heart is hurting.  I never thought I would have to go put flowers on a grave for my daughter.  I never thought I would have to get flowers for a nephew who is up in heaven with my daughter.  My heart is aching today.

Our Anniversary


My hubby and I have made it to our 3 year anniversary and we both have an eternity to go with each other.  In other words were stuck like glue to one another.  We had a wonderful anniversary together.  We went on a over night stay.  It was wonderful to get away and be with each other.  The first day it was rainy so we stayed in and had fun going seeing all the other resorts.  The next day the sun came out to shine.  We got to go do our tradition we do every year we go to the Zoo to see all the animals.  It was really fun.  On May 3 this year our local zoo had 2 new lemurs born.  We got to see them when they were three weeks old and they were so cute.  Their little hands were bigger than their heads.  It was fun to walk around the zoo in the warm weather.


 
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived."
~
Meet Joe Black
 
 
 

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The best decision

The best decision I have ever made...
choosing my hubby and getting married to him in a LDS Temple so that we could be together for an eternity with each other and our family.

My hubby and I have our 3 year anniversary coming up this weekend.  Last year when we were planning what we were going to be doing for our 2 year anniversary we decided we would go out of town and go on one last getaway before our little girl was born.  We planned a night stay at a resort we went to the Zoo and just walked around loving the time we were going to be having with each other before our little one came... August really showed me how blessed I was to have said yes to my hubby...

 This year was a hard year for us and I'm just grateful to be able to say we made it through to another year and we have eternity to go.

 So to celebrate another year we have decided we are going to go on a overnight stay and go on another adventure.  Because life with my hubby is always an adventure and we have learned that we can stick together through the wonderful times and the hardest times.

Everyone always say they have the best hubby but I TRULY DO HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND IN ALL OF THE WORLD!!!

I remember the day my hubby got home from his mission seeing him for the first time in two years and still having my heart do flips because I was still so much in love with him.  I remember a week later talking about getting married and than two weeks later telling our families that we were in love and that we wanted to get married.  I remember the night I got asked the question and getting asked with a ring pop.  I remember the night before getting married going and meeting his brother and his wife and kids.  I remember my fiance walking me out to my car giving me a hug and telling me that he loved me and he was so excited for the next day.  I remember getting home and spending time with my mom and my family.  I remember when my fiance called me one last time before I saw him at the temple the next day asking if I remember the importance of that day. I couldn't remember until he brought up the event that had inspired me to go to the temple when I was 18 and getting the feeling that I was going to soon meet my future husband and three years later I was going to marry on that same day I got the feeling that I was going to meet my future husband.  I remember the smile on my hubby's face after we said I do.  I remember thinking this is the first day of eternity with my hubby.  I remember the smile on his face when I told him I was pregnant the first time and than how he held me when we found out that I was having a miscarriage.  I remember the second time I told him I was pregnant.  I was to excited to wait to tell him and he had a friend over so I took a picture of the positive and showed him I saw the smile appear again.  The smile that I love.  I remember being in a dark room when we saw our baby on the screen and seeing tears of joy come down my husbands face when we found out we were going to be having a baby girl.  I remember the look on his face when he learned that our daughter was no longer with us.  I remember the smile and seeing his heart melt when he held her for the first time.  I remember him holding me and letting me cry for the loss of our child.  I remember my hubby saying aren't we blessed to have such a perfect spirit to cheer us on towards the Celestial Kingdom.  I remember that the Savior is the one who has given us the most sacred wedding gift of all and that His gift is still blessing our lives daily.

For our three year anniversary we are going to celebrate our love and our family.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Dreams




     I just wanted to make a post about what I have been dreaming about for the last couple of days...  One is fairies I believe in them so much.  I remember as a little girl thinking there were fairies in the garden taking care of the flowers.  I believed there was a troll that lived in the canal under a bridge.  I know that it was my great imagination at play but I still do believe in the fairies coming down and sprinkling their dust on the flowers so that they will grow.
    Another reason I wanted to post this post is because I have been dreaming again about the day that I will be a mom again.  I don't know when that will be that is all up to our Heavenly Father to decide when to send down another precious spirit to join our family.  But in my dreaming I have had a good dream that a little girl whenever she might come will have a fairy themed room.  I love the idea of the fairy room because that way we can still have the things we had for our sweet little angel that we will be able to share the love of her older sister with her.  
 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why I write...

I have been posting saying that I will write more of my story.  When I was talking to my hubby about how I don't know what to post about.  In the conversation with my hubby he said you write when you are in pain and this is how you deal with grieving.  I can say that is true whenever something big happens to me I either sleep so that I can't remember the details or I write every little thing that I can think of down.  I prefer the second choice I would rather be able to write and share my memories than just bury them and forget about them.


I have been thinking about what stories I would like to share about my daughter.  I have racked my brain over over and over again but I can't think of anything.  I have shared so many memories about my daughter and our story.  All the other stories I could tell are personal to my hubby and me.

I'm going to be writing more and more about my daily living and how I am starting to live again.  My days have turned into looking for something I can have joy about and not pity me party.  Even though I am having hard times falling asleep and than getting out of bed.  Some days I just think I will stay in bed and not get out.  After a couple of minutes of petting our cat I get out of bed.  I feel like if I stay in bed I'm letting my daughter down I know that she wants me to live and enjoy life. 

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I promised a new blog about my story but today than in the middle of the night the midnight snack of cereal was calling for me.  I got out of bed went and poured a bowl of cereal within 2 bites of eating I felt a tang to my tooth than my tooth started to hurt.  I have cavities so I was wondering if there was something that came off the spoon.  No it didn't come off my spoon is was my tooth.  I went to the dentist today and I got some laughing gas.  Laughing gas had the weirdest effect on me for the first time today.  I went home freezing and shaking I climbed into bed and asked my husband if he could go get some soup for my lunch.  After I ate I fell asleep no problem.  I woke up this evening.  I slept the entire afternoon now it is time to go spend with family.  

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Gift Of Compassion

I sit here wondering what to type.  I'm in silence just thinking and pondering over what I would like to write.  I wrote about the Savior and the strength He gives me yesterday.  I still want to write about my strength.  Not just going back to work but just going places and being there for my family and friends.

My mom was so worried about when she would see me smile again when my daughter had died.  My mom worried about when would be the next time she would see me smile.  If her daughter would just crawl up in a ball and not her spirit shine through.  I did think about that when I was walking to the delivery room.  I thought how can my life carry on after this.  Than I saw my mom there beside me taking care of her daughter making sure I was going to be okay.  I just wanted to have the same experience with my daughter the chance to be there for her when she was going to be having her first baby.  That dream had disappeared it was over in a second.  I than thought about how much my mom loves me and how much I love her.
My mom has the most amazing strength I have ever seen.  My mom has cancer but she is curing it the natural way with the things that God has given us instead of man made chemo and radiation.  My mom was misdiagnosed with her cancer when I was in Jr. High.  When my hubby was on his mission I woke up one day to see that both of my parents were gone.  Just one vehicle was missing.  I called their cell phones no answer.  I came home after work.  My parents were still not home.  My parents would tell me if they were going on a spontaneous trip and they would answer their phones.  I went into my room knelt down to the ground and prayed for their safety.  I was worried I asked for comfort.  I than crawled into bed and drifted slowly to sleep still not hearing my parents come home.  The next day I woke up they were back they asked me to come sit down in the living room.  I was sitting next to my mom when she told me that she had cancer.  I grabbed her and cried.  My mom was that example to me.  My mom has so much strength everyday is a miracle with my mom.  I smiled after my daughter was born.  I have stayed strong for her and now I have to stay strong for my mom and my family.
This last Saturday night I got a call from my friend.  My friend called to have me come over to comfort on the worst night of her life.  My friends dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2009.  In November my friend had found out that she was pregnant.  My friend also found out in the same month that  there was nothing they could do for her father.  My friend stayed positive her dream was that her dad was going to hold his first grandchild.  This phone call she could barely talk she asked if I was busy.  I said if you need me I can be there.  She said that she would like that.  I got there and I saw so much pain her eyes.  My friend got the news that night that her dad had passed away from the cancer.  I just sat there and comforted her.  She told me I was called because I was a friend that could comfort.  That has stuck with me.  I'm a friend who can comfort.  I have gone through loosing a daughter and I can still go comfort my friends when they need me the most in their life.
I have to be grateful for the Savior for giving me that strength to still be me.  I can see my sorrows and see my friends sorrow but I can look past my sorrow to be there for her.  Compassion is what the Savior had shown to us and the Savior has given me the gift of compassion.

  Lord, I Would Follow Thee 
Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.

   Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see.
 
I would be my brother’s keeper;
I would learn the healer’s art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
  
Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
  


    I know that I wrote yesterday saying that I would share more memories of my daughter but this has just been on my mind.

Monday, March 28, 2011

What has been happening to me...

 What has been happening with me lately.  I haven’t blogged about my story for quite some time now.  I want to say that I have been horribly busy and haven’t had the time for it.  In truth I don’t know what really to talk about.  I feel like every time I sit down to write it turns into a pity me story.  I don’t really want that to happen.  But I know that this is something that I should be writing down so that when I look back I can remember the strength that has been shown.  I know that it is the Lord’s strength giving me the will to carry on with my life.  My friend the other night asked me a good question and I’m going to reply to her here.

How do I go to work each night?
When she asked me that I had no clue how to answer that.  I still don’t know how to answer that question.  I have been working on writing this answer for over an hour now.  I don’t know how I have the will to carry on with my life.  I have three things cheering me on. The simple answer is

THE SAVIOR
MY HUSBAND
MY DAUGHTER

1.) THE SAVIOR

  A couple more of like a handful now years ago I read a book about the Atonement.  The book goes into the deep about what happened in Gethsemane.  I decided to read this book because one of my good friends I called her to see if she wanted to hangout and she was crying.  I asked if she was okay she said I’m reading this book and it is just making me realize how much the Savior has really done for us.  I went and bought the book read it.  I love it!  I even sent a copy to my hubby while he was on the mission.  I asked him if he still had the copy he said that he had passed it on.  It truly is a wonderful book.  It sounds like I’m trying to sell a book for someone to read.  I’m not trying to do that.
  I just think that this book has helped me realize that the Savior has really truly felt this pain.  I look towards Him so that He will help me out with the small things of life.  Like getting out of bed, going into work, being a friend when someone needs a friend.
  This horrible trial that I’m going through sucks there is simply no other word for it sucks.  It sucks everything in if you will let it.  This trial could ruin the relationship between husband and wife, it can ruin having a house over your head, it can suck the happiness right out of your life if you let it.             People tell me how much they look up to me because how strong I am.  I’m glad that they can look up to me and I can be an example.  But I just don’t want to take all the credit for it.  It is not me that is strong it is the Savior who has my back.  He has promised me a lifetime plus an eternity with the people I love if I stay strong and do the things which I need to.  The Savior is the one cheering me on.  The Savior is the one giving me the strength to carry on.

2.) MY HUSBAND
    I’m head over heels in love with him.  My heart still aches and so does his.  We have this trial to go through together.  I’m not alone in it and he isn’t alone in it.  I view having to do the small things in life is letting him still see the woman he loves.  I could sit and tell you all the wonderful things he does but than you would be here longer and this is already a long post

3.) MY DAUGHTER
    I want her to be proud of her mom and tell Heavenly Father see how much my mommy loves me.  My mommy can tell my story of my life even though it was a short one to the world and show this trial of hers to the world and not be ashamed of me.

I just want to say to anyone who is going through this trial or any other trial that seems unbearable.  It is hard but you have to look for the positive things in your life that you are willing to fight for or your just going to be sucked in like a vacuum to your trial.

Curious about the book I read it is called:
Gethsemane By: Andrew Skinner 

I'm back I will start telling more of my story tomorrow.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Gratitude

gratitude?  Where did the month go...  I have been thankful for a lot of things this month but yet I have forgotten to post them.  I guess time will fly fast when you are looking for things to be grateful for.

I'm grateful for the chance to see the sun even if it is every once in awhile and getting the chance to do some spring cleaning and washing our car for it to rain the next day.  I'm grateful to be able to plant some flowers and veggies for the summer.  Even if they are now living in the house while the snow is falling.  It just brings beauty into the home.  I'm grateful for our new place.  We have nice landlords who are always fun to talk to.  I'm grateful for being able to have a little patch of land to grow some flowers.  I'm also grateful for my husband and all the many things he is doing to change our family life in the future.  Like for right now that he is going to school to become a teacher so that he will be able to support his little family.  I'm grateful for being able to go pick up my niece and have her come over to have a sleep over.  I love how excited she gets about coming and hanging out with her aunt even if it is for a night and a couple of hours on a Saturday.  When she could say no mom I don't want to go with my aunt I want to hang out with my friends.  I love that she picks me.

Tomorrow there is a festival of colors going on and it is the day to welcome spring can you believe it might be snowing when we are welcoming in spring.  I'm grateful for this crazy weather.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

small things...

I'm grateful for all the little small things in life that make you remember the reason to live and go on with your life.  I'm sitting in bed not ready to go to sleep when I feel little paws climbing up to be in the middle of the bed.  It may just be our cat but to me that is a comfort.  One day we will have a little one climbing into bed telling us they had a bad dream.  But for right now it is our 8 pound cat that is training us for that time when our bed is no longer big enough for just my husband and I.

A blog that I follow talk2thetrees had something very sad happen to her.  She had to put her little comfort animal to sleep today.  My heart broke for her when I heard the news.  She has been through a lot these past couple of months and her little dog was there by her side.  I don't know what I would do if I had to put to sleep my little comfort animal that is 8 pounds and takes over our bed at night.  I do know how she is feeling though.  I had to make the decision of putting one of our family dogs to sleep.  I also at the time when I met my husband our family dog that we had since I was just a little girl had a stroke and had to be put to sleep.  I have her in my prayers that she may have comfort and her little doggy angel looking after her.

I'm so grateful for the little things in life that make us who we are!!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Quote of the day

Do two people ever see the same rainbow? No. As the eyes of two people cannot occupy the same place in space at the same time, each observer sees a different rainbow. Why? Well, because the raindrops are constantly in motion so its appearance is always changing. Each time you see a rainbow, it is unique in its own spectacular way!  


Legend says that each leaf of the clover means something:
  the first is for hope, the second for faith, the third for love and the fourth for luck.
St. Patrick's Day is celebrated on March 17, his religious feast day and the anniversary of his death in the fifth century. The Irish have observed this day as a religious holiday for over a thousand years. On St. Patrick's Day, which falls during the Christian season of Lent, Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon. Lenten prohibitions against the consumption of meat were waived and people would dance, drink and feast—on the traditional meal of Irish bacon and cabbage.
Leprechauns usually take the form of old men who enjoy partaking in mischief. Their trade is that of a cobbler or shoemaker. They are said to be very rich, 
having many treasure crocks buried during war-time.
According to legend, if anyone keeps an eye fixed upon one, he cannot escape, 
but the moment the gaze is withdrawn, he vanishes.

  It is time to start thinking about St. Patrick's Day!!!  I love this holiday!!!  I love the children out looking for a four leaf clover during recess.  I am also a fan of trying to find a Leprechaun and his gold at the end of the rainbow.  I still participate in this holiday by wearing GREEN so that I won't be pinched.

MAMA AND PAPA ARMS

  When you were little and you got hurt where was the one place you would run to for comfort???  I would run to my mom she knew how to comfort me and make me feel better.  Even if it was just a kiss for my boo boo.  I didn't grow out of it.  When I had my miscarriage my mom was there by my side holding me.  When I learned of my daughter.  I opened my arms and my mama came to hold me and comfort me.  Today when I was feeling sad I got to be held in my moms arms as I just cried and told her my fears.  My moms arms are just not for comfort either.  This is where all the hugs come from when we see each other.  One day I will be that mom that when my little girl or boy needs that comfort they can come to me and get those hugs that a mom gives.

  I'm grateful for my moms arms today.  I got to go and be held by my mom today and get to tell her my grief I have been feeling and be able to cry.  I got the comfort from her like when I was a little girl.

  My dad hands out the best hugs.  I get a hug from my dad when I see him and when I leave to go home.  My dads hugs are the ones that you know he loves you so much.  He tells you by squeezing you tight and whispering a I LOVE YOU in your ear.  Those are the hugs that give you the strength to carry on in life.

  I'm also grateful for my dads arms today.  I love knowing that whenever I see my dad there is a hug always to be had.  

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Working Nights and Weekends

I have a really funny weekend it is not Saturday or Sunday.  My weekend is Tuesday and Wednesday with all day Thursday that is right almost 3 days.  I go back to work Thursday nights and stay up all night.  Actually to get this three day weekend I would have to come home Tuesday morning take a two hour nap stay up the rest of the day sleep Tuesday Night have all day Wednesday and repeat but on Thursday night go into work which means almost 24 hours of no sleep and add that up to the other 24 hours you would have if you didn't any sleep on Tuesday.  Weekends can be exhausting.  I chose to keep my weekend the normal weekend Friday Saturday kind of.  I go home sleep in the morning on Saturdays so that I can spend the afternoon doing family/friend things.  Sunday we sleep for 2 hours wake up than go to church and than sleep in the afternoon.  I make my Sunday meals in the crock pot so that when we wake up we keep to our eating habits.  We try to eat around 5 every night and than have another small meal before going into work and than at 2am is when I have my last meal of the day.  I don't know when hubby has his last meal but I think it is probably around the same time.  For my Tuesday/ Wednesday days off this is when I soak in the hours of sleep.  I only take a 3 hour nap on Tuesday so when nighttime comes around I will be tired and sleep all night.  Some days it works other days not so much.

   My normal weekend was a great weekend.  I got to lounge around the house, cook, clean which only takes 5 minutes.  I got to hangout with my family, my hubby he let me watch a chick flick with him.  My hubby is all about sports.  It was really nice to be able to watch a chick flick that I have been wanting to see.  The things which I have booked for Saturday and Sunday.  Well I don't have to go stand in line for a basketball game so that is nice.  I can now go do some other things.  Like go take baby bump pictures of my friend who lives up in Idaho and is coming down to Utah for the weekend.  I'm so excited to see her I haven't seen her since she found out that she was pregnant.  A very cute story by the way.  My aunt and uncle just moved into a new house so this weekend they are having a open house excited for that I get to see more of my family yay!  That is always a good thing family is what gives us strength.  Sunday we will be going to church and sleeping in the afternoon.  My weekends are relaxing to busy but I sure do have fun.

Today I'm grateful for having a job and working the same shift as my hubby and for weekends both of them!!!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

SUNLIGHT

   After a big snow storm last night... this afternoon the sun was out.  Hubby and I went to enjoy that sunlight together.  It was just a beautiful day all the snow seemed to have melted.  Showing that spring is on its way.  I know I live in a crazy weather state and I have seen snow in July while the sun is out.  I am grateful to see the weather starting to get a little warmer and that the colors of spring are going to be out in the next couple of weeks.   I'm grateful for the crazy weather that I live in.  I'm grateful that I can see a beautiful blanket of white covering the ground in the morning to seeing the green in the afternoon.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I have a fear

  I have a new fear in my life to add to my collection of fears.  I already have a fear over snakes, mice, and worms.  Yes, I know worms who is afraid of worms I am.  But my new fear that is being added to the list and this is the one that scares me the most.  What if I already had the chances of becoming a mom and I will never be able to be a mom again.  This one has made the top of the list.  I'm scared that was going to be the only chance that my husband and I had to becoming parents.  I never complained about my pregnancy symptoms and I had a ton I could of complained about but I never did.  I just took everything as it came even when my head was in the toilet bowl or when I had an IV in me giving me fluid so that I could become hydrated again.  I wonder why I have to learn this lesson it is a hard lesson to learn.  I want to know why I said give me this trial I want it give it to me.  I would of rather been like my co-worker who stood in line for a small bladder and having to use the bathroom every 15 minutes instead of standing in the line of broken hearts.  I know this is a big lesson for me to learn and I'm not going to learn it right away that it is going to take time to heal my heart and there will be always be a little piece missing.  I know that my Heavenly Father and my daughter wrap their arms around me to give me the strength to live my daily life.  So for today I'm going to pray for that comfort to be with me so I don't cry all day long and can see the good in life.  

One of those days...

One of those days... 


    I had one of those days today where I just wanted to be creative and so I used my right side of my brain and created.  I didn't want to throw away some soup cans after getting the soup out of them over this weekend.  I wanted to do my part and try to recycle something see something more than what it can be used for.  I got out some ribbon I had laying around and I wrapped the ribbon around the cans.  I made pen holders with the cans and I love how they turned out.  I have two small cans and two big cans holding all the pens and markers that I had laying around.  I'm grateful for having a creative mind and being able to see that I could make something ordinary to something that we could use.

 So today I'm grateful for my creative side of my brain.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Quote of the day


    This is an amazing woman who will never be able to have children because of radiation.  Lindsey doesn't even know if she is going be here next Christmas to celebrate with her husband.  But yet this beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father has the most amazing attitude about life she is so positive about everything around her. 

   I have already blogged about her here and go check her story out here For Lindsey

Sunday, March 6, 2011

MUSIC and the wonderments of TECHNOLOGY

I would have to say today was filled with music.  Music was in my ears before I fell asleep.  I also had a nice little waking up to listening to the landlords play the piano that is right above our bedroom.  At work last night and as I walked in this is what the other shift were watching KUED they had the little pledge and they were showing Les Misérables all weekend.  I quickly grabbed my smart phone so that I could set my DVR to record it I couldn't set the DVR because I was at work.  Of course the one reason I have my app on my phone to record a show I don't want to miss and it doesn't want to work.  I called my hubby and he used his app and had it set to record.  Saving me some gas so that I didn't have to run home and hit the record button.  I love how we have come to trust in technology we do a couple of things and than we know that it will work.  Like right now I know if I walk away from my computer blogger is going to automatically save what I'm working on.  I would have to say this is pretty amazing that I can be at work and want to record a program so that hubby and I can watch it together later.

Back to my gratitude for music... I have a love affair with music.  I have music on right now.  I don't think I have ever gone a day without listening to music.  I love how music is all so different.  I have my music for almost everything I do.  I have music that I love listening to in the car.  I have music that I love having on as background music in the kitchen when cooking.  I have music to when I blog and when I'm on the internet.  I have music that I listen to at work so that I always have something keeping me awake.  I love the MOTAB and my favorite is when my aunts from England come to Utah we go up to Salt Lake every Sunday to hear the MOTAB's Music and the Spoken Word.  Tonight hubby and I watched Les Misérables and we loved just listening to the music and have a nice relaxing evening before going to work.

I'm grateful for MUSIC and the wonderments of TECHNOLOGY today.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

1 + 1= 2 things to be grateful for

    Friday:

         MARRIAGE.

   I'm grateful for marriage and all the things that come with it the good days and those stinkin' bad days that nobody likes.  I'm grateful for having someone else there to lean on and also know that you couldn't live without them.  I made a joke while hubby was on a mission I have gone almost two years without him I know that I can still survive without him always being there.  But in all honesty I loved getting the mail everyday hoping there would be a letter from him.  I may have not had him by my side for the those two years but I had ways of communicating with him through letters.  Ask me today if I could go another two years without my hubs and I would tell you those were the longest two years of my life and I couldn't see doing any normal living without him being there.  We have been married for almost three years but it feels like an eternity it feels like we have been with each other forever and an eternity just sounds wonderful to be with him.  On Friday we do our Saturday chores so that on the weekend we can go and do things together.  I loved working as a team to clean the apartment and getting it looking nice.  Even though we weren't cleaning the right by each other we had the trust that when it was all said and done we cleaned the apartment to look nice.  I love my hubby and he is my rock so here it is to marriage.  I'm so grateful for MARRIAGE!!!


“I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”
-Henry B. Eyring
     Saturday:

Watching Prayers Be Answered

   I would like to say this is a prayer of mine being answered well it kind of it is but this prayer has been for a friend and her hubby.  My friend was over at our apartment one night when she got the call from her hubby that he had lost his job.  I gave them the website of where I work so that they could apply.  I thought that they would hire them because they have had experience.  Wrong.  I was a little upset at my work because they hire everyone and my friend and her husband were not hired it had confused me.  Well I have been praying for them that they may find a job.  Luckily they live with family in a basement apartment so that is one blessing they have.  Well earlier this week her hubby got a job and today she updated the world of Facebook to tell us that she had gotten a job.  I'm so happy for them and I'm so glad that I got to see a prayer answered for my friend and her hubby.  I know that the Lord is always watching over us and will always be there for us but it is always nice to see that prayers are being answered.  I'm grateful for watching and having prayers answered.
 
         "God does notice us, and He watches over us. 
         But it is usually through another person
        that He meets our needs." 
    -Spencer W. Kimball

That is one of my favorite quotes I put it everywhere just as a small little reminder that we are never really ever alone even when we want to be.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Rainy/Snowy Days

   Today was a rainy day making it the perfect day to stay in side and have a relaxing day.  I love days where it is to cold to go outside so you stay inside.  Today was a nice relaxing day being able to go and hangout with my friend while our husbands played racquetball and we stayed inside just sitting and talking.  and enjoying some orange sherbet.  Also being able to make a nice simple meal for my hubby and than sitting down and enjoying the meal.  Thank you hubby for putting basketball aside for a couple of minutes so that we could enjoy a meal together.  Now time to go and relax some more before we have to go to work.   So today I'm grateful for rainy days and simple pleasures in life.


Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.  
~Author Unknown

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Emotions

"There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion.
That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths
like a pebble drops some careless word,
it overflows, and its secret,
split on the ground like water,
can never be gathered together"
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

   That sounds like the silliest thing to grateful for emotions.  Why did I choose emotions because when it was time for me look back on my day and see all the things I was grateful for and really look into my day for the things I never think about.  Emotions came to mind.  Are emotions are the things that make us human and I'm so grateful for that so here is a little recap of all the emotions I went through or saw happen today. 
   What a thing to be grateful for EMOTIONS!!!  I went through a lot of them today... like not wanting to get out of bed and just be lazy... to go and standing in a line for 5 hours outside in the cold... during that time I got to see so many emotions expressed on peoples faces... to anticipation to pure boredom to being embarrassed...  I also so got to see a lot of anger and I myself felt anger nothing beats seeing a bunch of BYU students yelling at refs... which turns into laughter.  I got to feel as my body changed from anger to calm to worried.  I was worried about my friend who texted me telling me she was in the hospital and she would like me to come see her.  I worried on the way when I got there I saw emotions of being scared and not knowing what is happening to her.  I got to see my emotion of comforting and happiness come out as I watched the smile happen on her face when she saw that I walked in.  Laughter and silliness I got to see as we were walking out of the hospital.  I'm also feeling right now relaxed and loved with my husband needing my skills as a photographer for his homework.

 So today I'm grateful for the emotions of life and getting to feel them.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

SISTERS

   Today is the first day I kick off the month of my gratitude post each day.  Here comes the first post of gratitude.  I have 30 more to go I'm so excited to start it off.

    One of the many things that I'm grateful for is my family.  Today I'm especially grateful for my older sister.  I love her so much.  We got to experience being pregnant together and I never thought that would happen.  I'm the baby of the family and I have been an Aunt since I was 10.  I always thought that my babies would be the youngest ones of the grandchildren and wouldn't have the cousins the same age.  I loved being pregnant with my sister she was the one I turned to when I had the weird pregnant questions that I didn't really want to ask my mom about even though my mom could of answered them for me.  My sister found out first that she was having a girl and she was bound and determined that I was pregnant with a boy.  I would tell her it's a girl.  My first ultrasound they gave us an 85% chance it was a girl.  I called my sister and told my sister that I was having a girl.  We went back to the mall to get another ultrasound done of the baby to make sure it was a girl and didn't change to a boy.  I also wanted one more ultrasound to check because me being the baby of the family I would get teased by my brothers that it was a boy.  I went to my parents house to show my brothers and my mom that it was girl 100% no changing it.  We are a family that teases so my mom said call L and tell her it is a boy she just went and bought all the girl baby shower decorations.  I got on the phone to call my sister when she answered I told her I had some news that my baby girl wasn't really a baby girl that we were going to be having a boy.  I couldn't keep it quiet for long listening to her talk and I said just kidding it is a girl.  We were going to have girls to grow up with each other 2 months apart.  We were both excited.  I remember my sister going through the pain of loosing my little girl along with me.  She would call me daily or text and still does she would tell me my little girl is just smiling and giggling when she was only 2 months old.  L would tell me that my daughter was there visiting my niece.  I remember her saying that it was unfair that her little girl lost her best friend and her cousin and that it was totally unfair.  My daughter and my niece looked like twins we have pictures of them that if you put them in black and white you couldn't tell which one it was.  We mourned together I got to go spend the weekend with her and her daughters while I was on FMLA and my hubby went back to work.  We stayed in her big bed talking until 1 in the morning.  I will never forget that she was my big sister that I had missed so much because we had not done that since she lived at home and I was just a little girl when she got married.  I love my sister so much and I'm so grateful to be her little sister and her hero.  I'm so grateful for the love my sister has shown us these last couple of months inviting us over for Sunday dinners and just being able to go over and hang out with her beautiful family.  I love my sister so much and I can't wait until we are mums age and we get lost going on adventures together.

So even though that I'm not an lonely only child...  I'm glad I have my big sister.

Today quotes are going to be for my sister...


A sister is one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 
 
A sister is a gift from God, sent from above to make life worthwhile.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Day to Celebrate

   My daughter was a STILL BORN on August 23, 2010 and on August 25, 2010 I lost a cousin to cancer.  I loved my cousin so much she lived in England when I lived in America.  When I was 4 I think she came over to America to visit our family.  I remember her singing the sound of music and twirling on the mountains that I see everyday.  I got to go visit her when I was 17 in England I got to meet her three beautiful boys.  I got to spend time with her and see her strength shine through a very hard time.  Her sister told me about the time that they curled her hair.  My cousin had this gorgeous red hair and her sister said that after curling her hair she looked like the lion off of Wizard of Oz.  If I'm not mistaken the lion wanted courage.  My cousin did have so much courage she was amazing I love her so much.  She had the greatest laugh and the biggest smile.  Today is her Birthday so I'm wishing her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and hoping that my grandma J, grandpa B, my daughter L and my cousin and all my other family members are celebrating by having a big birthday party.  So if I see any sparkles anywhere today I know where they will be coming from.

XOXO LOVE YOU TONS HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN!!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Quote of the day

Nick: Here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'd have all the eggs we could eat.
Fetcher: Right. We'll need a chicken, then.
Nick: No... no, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first, that's where you get the chicken from.
Fetcher: No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where are you going to get the egg?
Nick: From the chicken that comes from the egg.
Fetcher: Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken.
Nick: Yeah, but you've got to get the chicken first to get the egg, and then you get the egg... to get the chicken out of...
Fetcher: Hang on, let's go over this again. 
                                             -Chicken Run
    I thought I would share a laugh today...  I hope everyone has a great day.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Quote of the day

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. 
~Mary Anne Radmacher
 
Just scrolling down my news feed on Facebook and I saw this quote for one of my friends status I loved it and thought I would share it!

Friday, February 25, 2011

something new

I don't know what to call this blog yet??? So I'm just going to begin typing and see where my fingers take me.  I'm feeling inspired a month over due... ha ha.  I really wanted to do this last month but life happens and so with life I couldn't really hang out on my blog for the time to get one typed in... 
  
    So my inspiration comes from a fellow blogger A Spoonful Of Sugar this fellow blogger the month of January did a post a day about what she was grateful for.  I loved going and checking her blog everyday to see what she was grateful for.  It helped me see that I have so much to grateful for also.  I'm going to make the month of March my gratitude month.  Everyday I'm going to post about something I'm grateful for that day.  I hope that this fellow blogger doesn't mind that I'm taking her idea. 

    I just have to say this is the time of the month that I become a little reclusive to my hubby and my family and friends...  I even become a little bit of a brat.  I don't mean to.  I go into my little hole because this is the hardest week of a month.  This is the time that I think my little girl would be so old.  But instead this is the time that I come down on myself and wish that I had my little baby with me and life is totally unfair.  So if I have hurt anyone's feelings this last week or offended anyone it is because I'm just in pain and mourning for the loss of my little angel.  I know that it has been a couple of months now and I should be doing better.  I am I promise you that I am.  It is just that I see so many things about babies everywhere and I just wish that my little girl was here so that I could make a cute blog about my baby and not have to write my tale of mourning.  I feel like some people have just forgotten that I have gone through a major loss in my life and that I should be moved on and not care that a mommy of 23 had to put her little girl to rest in a cemetery and not bring her home to be with her...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Quote of the day

"There are those among you who, although young,
have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow.
My heart is filled with compassion and love for you.
How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father.
Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you.
Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us;
He did it for you. You are not alone." 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf

This is a story that amazes me


    This woman who is the same age amazes me.  I started reading about her and following her a couple of months ago.  Her story is a very sad story but her strength amazes me.  I started reading her blog thinking this person amazes me.  I see my color guard instructors post on Facebook about this blog because this girl was one of her many color guard girls and how the high school I went to is going to be doing a special get together for her family and friends.  I was in shock I knew she looked familiar so I commented on my instructors post and told her that I had been following this blog.  I got the comment you know her she was the girl who started with you and had to quit guard because that is when they found her first tumor.  I have a bad bad memory.  I started to think about it and yes I do remember her she was fun to be around.


All I can say is I hope you go read her blog and see how her strength is amazing.  I would have to say she is one of my many hero's. 

"There are those among you who, although young,
have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow.
My heart is filled with compassion and love for you.
How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father.
Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you.
Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us;
He did it for you. You are not alone." 
Dieter F. Uchtdorf

He promised me

He promised me that this ring is just because he wants to see me happy.  Over the next 3 months before B left on his LDS mission I would ask him all sorts of questions about the ring why he loved me and such...

Questions about the ring... 
J: What if I find another guy and he makes me happy and decide to get married would it break your heart?
B: No, not if you are happy, that is all I want for you is to be happy and if your happy with this "other" guy than I would be happy for you.

J: What does this ring really mean?
B: Just what I told you when I gave it to you I want you to be happy...  So if you do find someone else you want to marry and he makes you happy than I will be happy for you.  J this is a ring that I'm giving to you so that you remember to be happy.
J: So not a promise ring for marriage???
B: If we happen to get married than we will.

Question about his love for me:
 J: Why do you love me?
B: It's something that I can't express in words... it's the overwhelming sense of comfort and peace when I'm with you and my stomach turns every time I see your beauty...
J: I love you so much I hope that we will get married.

Those are just some of the things I would ask him and than write down I was girl who was going to be saying goodbye to her boyfriend for two years I needed to know his love for me that way if I did wait for him I had a reason to tell everyone why I was waiting.

B had left to go on his mission so began the longest two years of my life... my mom says that it had flown by.  I don't believe her.  I started a new job right before B left.  Half of my friends wouldn't talk to me once B left.  I felt like I had to start all over again with life.  I met one of my many best friends and she was the friend that just got to hear some stories but hanging out with her my life didn't revolve around missing B as much.  I moved back in with my parents I had a good two years.  I didn't date anyone... I stayed faithful I was so in love with B we dated for 7 months before his mission but I was head over heels in love with him.

B came back from his mission and the first night back he had given me a soft little kiss.  I was shocked.  My friends and I were making guesses to how long it would be until he would kiss me and be comfortable around me again a girl.  My guess was three weeks.  Well it only took three weeks back after his mission to ask my dad and mom for permission to marry their youngest daughter me.  I guessed how long it would be until we started talking about marriage not how long it would be until he kissed me.  B proposed to me with a ring pop because the ring that he got me he couldn't hide it in his cute little treat basket.  Ring pops have become on of our little favorite treats to get for each other we don't get them that much either so they still have their special magic in them.  We got married in May 2008 and we are still so much in love since those August nights in 2005.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The beginning of Our Story

(I have been thinking that I should share the love story of hubby and I)


August 15,2005

   So I met someone last week and he is gorgeous.  He has beautiful blue eyes and nice red hair.   ...

This is the beginning of our whirlwind romance we met at work.  I trained him at the job the first day he worked there.  I was so nervous that day because my friend had set me up on a blind date because she really didn't know the guy she was going on a date with and wanted a friend there just to be a backup.  I had a trust issue with boys in high school so I only went on one date in high school.  I was just telling B that I was so nervous and I really didn't know if I should go.  B piped in and said he would go.  I thought he was joking this guy had just barely met me and he said that he would go with.  I thought nothing of it.  Than after work when I went to meet up with my blind date I saw my date and he was much older than me I was only 18 and he only had one tooth and looked like a hill billy.  That is when I started scanning the parking lot hoping that this B guy was for real and he was going to be there.  As I was walking to meet up with my friend and the men I saw B get out of his vehicle.  I was so happy to see him.  I did a mean thing but I was to young for my date.  I ignored the whole entire group besides B.  B had captured my attention and I was getting twitter-patted with him.  I went home that night in a daze I really had liked B but I didn't really know how to act all girlie to keep a boy liking me.  I had apparently made quite the impression on B because the next night we went to a store after work and talked to each other until 2am.  Quickly we fell head over heels in love.  A few short months later B had received his LDS mission call.  I got a promise ring before he got his mission call.  But instead of the promise to wait for him.  When he gave me the ring this is what he promised me.

Quote of the day and a challenge

“We can begin to become more diligent and concerned
at home by telling the people
we love that we love them.
Such expressions do not need
to be flowery or lengthy.
We simply should sincerely and frequently express love.” 
David A. Bednar

        This is my favorite advice that I love to tell all the newlyweds that I go see in line at their reception on their wedding day.  They need to remember to say I Love You daily to their spouse and make it a habit.  My hubby and I say it everyday.



Challenge for today tell everyone that lives in your home how much you love them and show it!


Monday, February 21, 2011

Laughter the Best kind of Medicine

"The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed."
  Sabastein-Roch Nicolas Chamfort - Quote Book

    Today is going to be a wonderful day!  We are inviting hubby's side of the family over to see our new place and to have lunch together.  I'm so happy that we were able to get all moved in before Monday.  We are so grateful to my sister and her husband for letting us borrow their truck so that we could move over our weekend and on Saturday only have the furniture to move and the couple of boxes that were to heavy to carry ourselves.  We are so grateful for the ward and all their help moving it is so nice when we have the Elders Quorum helping out.  So hubby and I have been busy unpacking since last Tuesday and we are completely done.  We even have the apartment decorated.  Making it feel like home.  I'm happy to say that we were able to keep some things out that were in our Daughters room and it is just such a good reminder.  Even though that we moved she is still with us watching over us.  Our little kitty cat has come to love this new place also (I think it is because there are a lot more hiding places for him this time).  I just have to say this new place of ours has brought lots of happiness and laughter into our lives.

So the challenge for the day is to look around and see what brings laughter and smiles into your life!!!

(and for the Americans Happy Presidents Day!!!) 

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I'm Back

I'm back and with that I have a lot of things to catch you up on...

We moved!  Yay! We are pretty much unpacked for the most part... we may to hang up the clean laundry and put some other little random things away and than we are pretty much done.  I'm happy/sad about our move.  I'm happy because I love how big our new apartment is and I'm sad because I had to leave the apartment behind that I was going to be a mommy in.  I had to leave behind the nursery.  That day was kind of a hard day.  I put it off as much as possible.  I packed everything else I didn't want to take down everything I made for my daughter.  I took an hour or so just to be able to remember everything and put away all the beautiful outfits that she had received from her family and our friends.  I was surprised to see how much things we had for her and how that baby clothes are so tiny that it only took a big bin to put them all in.  But the drawers are still full of baby things.  There are some small things that I couldn't pack up and so I put them in a little basket and are going to be out where I can see them.  I think this move will be kind of better for me to be able to help me carry on my life and not have a daily reminder about the room not being a baby room...
With this move my husband gets a man cave.  He is so excited about that he gets the love seat in the second bedroom along with his little TV that he plays games in.  We compromised with not having extra sitting so that we could go to IKEA and get a bookcase and a desk that attaches to it.  This was a good compromise.  I'm in love having a place to work on all my new projects.  I also love that we have a place to sit and work me on my blog just to think and not have any distractions.  Well maybe one our cat.  I have a companion animal for my emotional disability (depression) there I said it.  Plus our cat is more than welcome to live here.  So here is to a new home and to new memories.

In the hassle of moving Valentines Day came.  My husband and I just did a little gift exchange.  Yes, I believe that this holiday is also a day to show not just the wife how much you love them but how much you love your husband.  I also believe that this is a day to show your family how much you love them.  So I made my husband a little gift basket full of red hots and other little random candies that had to all do with things that were HOT this was the theme of my basket and I found this idea here... The basket was to show that OUR LOVE IS RED HOT.  I loved the idea I went to the dollar store to get all the treats and the basket.  I also got ring pops for my hubby because that is how he proposed to me.  My hubby got me a teddy bear and hoops & yoyo card I love those cards.  We also went out to dinner just to be able sit down and not worry about having to look at our apartment full of mess.  Here is the V-days love quote that I wanted to post but because I got busy I forgot.

"True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion."  

Monday, February 14, 2011

a small update...

So my hubby and I are moving this week so hopefully next week I can start the blog back up...

I just wanted to share somethings that I have been working on not really no one wants to read and see pictures of cardboard boxes.  My life is basically all packed up.  We get the keys to our new place on Tuesday and I'm so EXCITED!!! (thank you to my best friend J and her mom we got the apartment... small world the landlord and her mom are best friends and they told us that is why we got the apartment)  

I have been taking pictures of the nursery that we made for our daughter.  It is the last room to be packed and I just want to sit in there and remember everything that I did for her.

Well I'm going to leave you with a story about the little toe...

My family all the girls have this toe...  It is the pinky toe and so much smaller than the rest of them and it tucks behind the other toes.  This is the only thing that I wanted this little girl to have is this toe.  It is a special toe it connects all the girls in our family.  I prayed and prayed for this toe.  After I quickly named her before she was in my arms my husband says...  "She has the Toe" my heart melt.  I got my little girl and the toe.  I asked for pictures of this toe.  The photographer lifted the toe and put it on the other toe so that we could see it.  I liked the picture but it didn't really show off how the toe is suppose to look like.  So today while I was in the nursery taking pictures I did it.  I grabbed the moldings of her feet and started taking pictures.


  

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

updates

  • work... yeah that fun thing we all like to do that has been keeping me busy.
  • moving/cleaning/packing... yeah this has me stressed out a lot...  the fact that I have a sick hubby :( and that I work at night and my room doesn't get any sunlight during the day on my days off it is hard for me to wake up to do this CHORE.  The thing that has me the most stressed is that I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to leave my nursery but I know that it will have to be packed up but that is not what I wanted to do so soon.
Sorry for not keeping on track with my blog.  I will try to get it going after the packing and the moving and we don't officially move until the 18th of February so I'm going to put my blog on hold while I move.  Unless I really need to blog about my feelings of taking down the nursery :'(

Thank you