Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My husband had to start school at BYU the Monday after she was born so a week later. Instead of taking his month off later in the semester as he planned he got to take the month off with me. We had a great month together. We spent so much time with each other and we weren’t cranky due to the sleeping schedules we have. It felt like we were dating again but better because we got to go home and we didn’t have to go to work. We went on a lunch date up Provo Canyon. We went out to the movies. We went out to a nice dinner. We spent so much time talking and talking about our daughter and thinking how lucky we are to be her parents. We didn’t have the stress of hoping that are daughter makes it into the Celestial Kingdom. Instead we have the stress of that to make it to the Celestial Kingdom. We held on to each other and just let our love help us through this pain that we were feeling. Life for my husband was hard every class that he was taking had to mention something to do with family and how the greatest joy is having children. It hurt him. He was a father but just without his little girl. I was at home while he was at school. I would wake up in the morning go into the living room and turn on the TV I don’t remember what I watched but I would see that at 4 in the afternoon that I had not moved and I just would feel disappointment because I didn’t do anything to help out while he was away at school. I would hurry and get up and try to find the strength to clean some things up or just try to cook a meal. I cried over the loss of the plans I had for me. I knew I was going to be busy after my daughter was born that I would be having to take care of her. I never knew that I was going to have a STILL BORN and those plans would not exist. I was having a hard time on the days that he had to be gone until 8 or 9 at night.