feelings

'I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience.  I believe that it is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties." 

-Richard G. Scott

It is coming up on two years of loosing our little angel L our life has changed in the two years.  After our angels funeral my hubby and I were on a drive talking about the precious spirit we get to be parents of and how she is already in the celestial kingdom and we don't have to worry about her getting there but us getting there.  We also talked about goals we would like to see us accomplish before having another baby.  One of them was buying a house so that we would be able to start our family in a home of our own.  I was thinking okay we can do that I didn't want to have another baby for a long time...  Well we are moved into our home we have a little sister to our little angel L.  Is my life easier now that I have a baby to hold in my arms.  Well in the aspect of being a new parent I'm learning everyday what it takes to be a good mom to her.  I do still miss my little angel L I will always wonder about how different life would be if she were here would we of had this joy of our little baby Z in our lives right now or not.  I had forgotten about this quote I just unpacked my journal I guess that is why I keep a blog.  I put quotes on the inside cover of my journal whenever I get a new one I pick out ones that make me smile, make me think, and make me feel loved.  This is one of the quotes I put in my journal when I first got it.  I got this journal right out of high school (bad journal keeper I know!) and this one of the quotes I put in it for the new experiences in my life.  If I could of told myself that 5 years after graduating high school I would of had a still born I wouldn't of believed it but somewhere the spirit prompted me to put this quote in it.  I do have to say at first after loosing my baby I was ANGRY with Heavenly Father He had taken away another spirit from joining our family.  I than asked WHY is this happening to me does He not trust me. 

Around my little angels first birthday (I was barely pregnant again) I started thinking what does He want me to learn from loosing my little angel.

•   I have friends that are infertile and for some weird reason I keep meeting people that are infertile.  So I thought maybe I'm learning compassion for these beautiful women who don't know what it is like to have a baby and the heartache of not being able to have a baby.  I have learned that these women are amazing one of my best friends just finalized her adoption to her little girl in May and they were sealed as a family in July.  I look up to her in so many ways she is truly a loving mother to this little girl and this little girl looks at her and knows that she is her mommy.  My friend may not of had the feeling of knowing what it feels like to have that baby inside her but my friend knows the feeling of holding that baby in her arms and giving her the love that babies give to their parents.
•  I had a friend who had a still born in this last year and I got to learn more about how caring and sweet my mom and my sister are.  This friend even though I'm so busy now being back to work full time and taking care of my daughter when I'm home.  My friend has told me "j, to see you so happy with Z is a huge inspiration to me....thanks for all you do...♥." I can lead by example this friend is in my thoughts and prayers daily.
• I was there to comfort my brother when he had lost his little boy and I have been there to welcome with him the life of his beautiful daughter.
• A friend on Facebook on her status asked if she already knew the risk of loosing the baby early in her pregnancy should she still do it.  A lot of people commented on it saying Yes because they couldn't live with out their babies.  I commented saying I didn't know I was going to loose my little girl at 38 weeks and how it is the hardest heart ache I have ever had and I'm still mourning the loss of my angel.  But I said Yes, I would still do it all over again.  (is that what happened before I came here to earth I was asked if I would be a mom to a spirit who would just need a body and not the trial of earth did I say Yes knowing that it was such an honor to do it for a spirit)
• I have learned to be grateful to be a mother to a perfect angel, I'm grateful for the compassion that I have learned.  I'm so grateful that the Lord did TRUST in ME  enough to be able to give me this trial and to know that I would make it through it.

   Well this being said I have been on the blogs of my followers and this blogger is needing prayers for her babies.  She was pregnant with triplets after a fertility treatment well she just lost one of the babies and she is still pregnant with the two others she needs prayers to comfort her and be with her babies. My mom and I started praying for her when we found out that she was pregnant with triplets how amazing is that after loosing her little girl.  I cried at work once I read that she lost her little baby boy my prayers and thoughts are with her and her family.  I pray that she can stay positive for these two babies and that these babies may join their family and will be able to be raised by them.  I don't know her personally but I love her and am sending her hugs and lots of prayers.

Thursday is my little angels second birthday and I know that we will be celebrating her life even if was a short one that was lived in me.  But we got to know her and the love that she has for us in the short time we got to be with her.

Comfort Words

(warning long blog post: if you don't have the time to read the article just read the pink quotes and than my thoughts at the end of this article.  If you have the time to read this I encourage you to do so.)

Joseph Smith talked to Parents who lose children in death will receive them in the resurrection just as they laid them down.

At the funeral of two-year-old Marian Lyon, the Prophet said: “We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …
“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.”5
“A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”6
“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”7
President Joseph F. Smith, the sixth President of the Church, reported: “Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ‘You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.’ …
“In 1854, I met with my aunt [Agnes Smith], the wife of my uncle, Don Carlos Smith, who was the mother of that little girl [Sophronia] that Joseph Smith, the Prophet, was speaking about, when he told the mother that she should have the joy, the pleasure, and the satisfaction of rearing that child, after the resurrection, until it reached the full stature of its spirit; and that it would be a far greater joy than she could possibly have in mortality, because she would be free from the sorrow and fear and disabilities of mortal life, and she would know more than she could know in this life. I met that widow, the mother of that child, and she told me this circumstance and bore testimony to me that this was what the Prophet Joseph Smith said when he was speaking at the funeral of her little daughter.”8
Mary Isabella Horne and Leonora Cannon Taylor each lost a young child in death. Sister Horne recalled that the Prophet Joseph Smith gave the two sisters these words of comfort: “He told us that we should receive those children in the morning of the resurrection just as we laid them down, in purity and innocence, and we should nourish and care for them as their mothers. He said that children would be raised in the resurrection just as they were laid down, and that they would obtain all the intelligence necessary to occupy thrones, principalities and powers.”

 (SOURCE) 

I was missing my little angel today.  I was sitting in church listening to the Missionaries talk about the trials that we go through.  I was thinking about my little angel and how I wish she could be with us.  We than sang Come, Come Ye Saints...

And should we die before our journey’s through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too
(source) 
 I started to cry yes full on cry... I had to wipe away my tears.  I had a wonderful feeling come over me.  My daughter doesn't have to live through the stress and trials of what is going to come.  Instead she gets to greet me and I will than to get to raise her free from sorrow and fear of our mortal life.  I love her so much and I just miss her.
  

Just some thoughts

  I haven't really been writing down how I'm doing since the birth of my daughter.  This is how I have been feeling...
 * I laugh
 * I smile
 * I live
 * I love
 * I'm Happy
 * I'm Sad
 for the most part I keep on living my life.

My road trip by myself was wonderful.  I had a great time being able to see my friend and her little newborn baby.  I had a great time snuggling up to the cute little baby.
It is nice knowing that I can go on a road trip by myself and being able to have a fun journey.  I got to sing loudly to my music in the car.  I got to enjoy the beauty of the mountains and the open fields.  I got to enjoy the rain to the sunshine on the way there and the way back.  I'm proud to say I can drive through a heavy rainstorm and come out on the other side with the sun.  I loved Winnie-the-Pooh when I was little I remember watching the cartoon when I was little.  Well whenever I see rain clouds I think of the song Winnie-the-Pooh bear sings "I'm just a little black rain cloud..." I always picture the page or the cartoon when he covers himself up and sings the song to get to the honey bees.  The page and the cartoon it is a beautiful day around him.  I always think well I know somewhere beyond this little rain cloud the sun is out and shining and it will shine sometime soon.  My life has had a little rain cloud hanging over me since my daughter.  Some days I have the little rain cloud other days I have the sun.  It was such a nice feeling to drive through the rain and see the sun shining.  I know that one day it will be just the sun shining.  I wanted to tell you about Winnie-the-Pooh because when we were first married I bought some cute little quotes on pieces of wood to decorate our first apartment.  Well the decoration eventually came to live in my daughters nursery because I just wanted a saying of Winnie-the-Pooh for my little girl to be able to look at and read.
here is the quote...

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
— A.A. Milne

I read this when I got home from the hospital and it was such a great little comfort my friend when she came over one day took a picture of it because she thought it was such a cute saying.  We now have it hanging up in our hallway in our new place and whenever I see it this is a simple reminder.  So going on this road trip I wasn't alone and I had the company of my daughter watching over me.

as for my journey through this it is still a step at a time.

I walk a little braver, I'm stronger than what I believe.

Quote of the day

Quote of the day

Do two people ever see the same rainbow? No. As the eyes of two people cannot occupy the same place in space at the same time, each observer sees a different rainbow. Why? Well, because the raindrops are constantly in motion so its appearance is always changing. Each time you see a rainbow, it is unique in its own spectacular way!  

source

Legend says that each leaf of the clover means something:

  the first is for hope, the second for faith, the third for love and the fourth for luck.

source 

St. Patrick's Day is celebrated on March 17, his religious feast day and the anniversary of his death in the fifth century. The Irish have observed this day as a religious holiday for over a thousand years. On St. Patrick's Day, which falls during the Christian season of Lent, Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon. Lenten prohibitions against the consumption of meat were waived and people would dance, drink and feast—on the traditional meal of Irish bacon and cabbage.

source

Leprechauns usually take the form of old men who enjoy partaking in mischief. Their trade is that of a cobbler or shoemaker. They are said to be very rich, 

having many treasure crocks buried during war-time.

According to legend, if anyone keeps an eye fixed upon one, he cannot escape, 

but the moment the gaze is withdrawn, he vanishes.

source

  It is time to start thinking about St. Patrick's Day!!!  I love this holiday!!!  I love the children out looking for a four leaf clover during recess.  I am also a fan of trying to find a Leprechaun and his gold at the end of the rainbow.  I still participate in this holiday by wearing GREEN so that I won't be pinched.

Quote of the day

 

    This is an amazing woman who will never be able to have children because of radiation.  Lindsey doesn't even know if she is going be here next Christmas to celebrate with her husband.  But yet this beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father has the most amazing attitude about life she is so positive about everything around her. 

   I have already blogged about her here and go check her story out here For Lindsey

1 + 1= 2 things to be grateful for

    Friday:

         MARRIAGE.

   I'm grateful for marriage and all the things that come with it the good days and those stinkin' bad days that nobody likes.  I'm grateful for having someone else there to lean on and also know that you couldn't live without them.  I made a joke while hubby was on a mission I have gone almost two years without him I know that I can still survive without him always being there.  But in all honesty I loved getting the mail everyday hoping there would be a letter from him.  I may have not had him by my side for the those two years but I had ways of communicating with him through letters.  Ask me today if I could go another two years without my hubs and I would tell you those were the longest two years of my life and I couldn't see doing any normal living without him being there.  We have been married for almost three years but it feels like an eternity it feels like we have been with each other forever and an eternity just sounds wonderful to be with him.  On Friday we do our Saturday chores so that on the weekend we can go and do things together.  I loved working as a team to clean the apartment and getting it looking nice.  Even though we weren't cleaning the right by each other we had the trust that when it was all said and done we cleaned the apartment to look nice.  I love my hubby and he is my rock so here it is to marriage.  I'm so grateful for MARRIAGE!!!

“I give counsel to husbands and wives. Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.”

-Henry B. Eyring

     Saturday:

Watching Prayers Be Answered

   I would like to say this is a prayer of mine being answered well it kind of it is but this prayer has been for a friend and her hubby.  My friend was over at our apartment one night when she got the call from her hubby that he had lost his job.  I gave them the website of where I work so that they could apply.  I thought that they would hire them because they have had experience.  Wrong.  I was a little upset at my work because they hire everyone and my friend and her husband were not hired it had confused me.  Well I have been praying for them that they may find a job.  Luckily they live with family in a basement apartment so that is one blessing they have.  Well earlier this week her hubby got a job and today she updated the world of Facebook to tell us that she had gotten a job.  I'm so happy for them and I'm so glad that I got to see a prayer answered for my friend and her hubby.  I know that the Lord is always watching over us and will always be there for us but it is always nice to see that prayers are being answered.  I'm grateful for watching and having prayers answered.

 

         "God does notice us, and He watches over us. 

         But it is usually through another person

        that He meets our needs." 

    -Spencer W. Kimball

That is one of my favorite quotes I put it everywhere just as a small little reminder that we are never really ever alone even when we want to be.

Rainy/Snowy Days

   Today was a rainy day making it the perfect day to stay in side and have a relaxing day.  I love days where it is to cold to go outside so you stay inside.  Today was a nice relaxing day being able to go and hangout with my friend while our husbands played racquetball and we stayed inside just sitting and talking.  and enjoying some orange sherbet.  Also being able to make a nice simple meal for my hubby and than sitting down and enjoying the meal.  Thank you hubby for putting basketball aside for a couple of minutes so that we could enjoy a meal together.  Now time to go and relax some more before we have to go to work.   So today I'm grateful for rainy days and simple pleasures in life.

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.  

~Author Unknown

Emotions

"There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion.

That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths

like a pebble drops some careless word,

it overflows, and its secret,

split on the ground like water,

can never be gathered together"

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

   That sounds like the silliest thing to grateful for emotions.  Why did I choose emotions because when it was time for me look back on my day and see all the things I was grateful for and really look into my day for the things I never think about.  Emotions came to mind.  Are emotions are the things that make us human and I'm so grateful for that so here is a little recap of all the emotions I went through or saw happen today. 
   What a thing to be grateful for EMOTIONS!!!  I went through a lot of them today... like not wanting to get out of bed and just be lazy... to go and standing in a line for 5 hours outside in the cold... during that time I got to see so many emotions expressed on peoples faces... to anticipation to pure boredom to being embarrassed...  I also so got to see a lot of anger and I myself felt anger nothing beats seeing a bunch of BYU students yelling at refs... which turns into laughter.  I got to feel as my body changed from anger to calm to worried.  I was worried about my friend who texted me telling me she was in the hospital and she would like me to come see her.  I worried on the way when I got there I saw emotions of being scared and not knowing what is happening to her.  I got to see my emotion of comforting and happiness come out as I watched the smile happen on her face when she saw that I walked in.  Laughter and silliness I got to see as we were walking out of the hospital.  I'm also feeling right now relaxed and loved with my husband needing my skills as a photographer for his homework.

 So today I'm grateful for the emotions of life and getting to feel them.

SISTERS

   Today is the first day I kick off the month of my gratitude post each day.  Here comes the first post of gratitude.  I have 30 more to go I'm so excited to start it off.

    One of the many things that I'm grateful for is my family.  Today I'm especially grateful for my older sister.  I love her so much.  We got to experience being pregnant together and I never thought that would happen.  I'm the baby of the family and I have been an Aunt since I was 10.  I always thought that my babies would be the youngest ones of the grandchildren and wouldn't have the cousins the same age.  I loved being pregnant with my sister she was the one I turned to when I had the weird pregnant questions that I didn't really want to ask my mom about even though my mom could of answered them for me.  My sister found out first that she was having a girl and she was bound and determined that I was pregnant with a boy.  I would tell her it's a girl.  My first ultrasound they gave us an 85% chance it was a girl.  I called my sister and told my sister that I was having a girl.  We went back to the mall to get another ultrasound done of the baby to make sure it was a girl and didn't change to a boy.  I also wanted one more ultrasound to check because me being the baby of the family I would get teased by my brothers that it was a boy.  I went to my parents house to show my brothers and my mom that it was girl 100% no changing it.  We are a family that teases so my mom said call L and tell her it is a boy she just went and bought all the girl baby shower decorations.  I got on the phone to call my sister when she answered I told her I had some news that my baby girl wasn't really a baby girl that we were going to be having a boy.  I couldn't keep it quiet for long listening to her talk and I said just kidding it is a girl.  We were going to have girls to grow up with each other 2 months apart.  We were both excited.  I remember my sister going through the pain of loosing my little girl along with me.  She would call me daily or text and still does she would tell me my little girl is just smiling and giggling when she was only 2 months old.  L would tell me that my daughter was there visiting my niece.  I remember her saying that it was unfair that her little girl lost her best friend and her cousin and that it was totally unfair.  My daughter and my niece looked like twins we have pictures of them that if you put them in black and white you couldn't tell which one it was.  We mourned together I got to go spend the weekend with her and her daughters while I was on FMLA and my hubby went back to work.  We stayed in her big bed talking until 1 in the morning.  I will never forget that she was my big sister that I had missed so much because we had not done that since she lived at home and I was just a little girl when she got married.  I love my sister so much and I'm so grateful to be her little sister and her hero.  I'm so grateful for the love my sister has shown us these last couple of months inviting us over for Sunday dinners and just being able to go over and hang out with her beautiful family.  I love my sister so much and I can't wait until we are mums age and we get lost going on adventures together.

So even though that I'm not an lonely only child...  I'm glad I have my big sister.

Today quotes are going to be for my sister...

A sister is one who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. 

 

A sister is a gift from God, sent from above to make life worthwhile.

Quote of the day

Nick: Here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'd have all the eggs we could eat.
Fetcher: Right. We'll need a chicken, then.
Nick: No... no, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first, that's where you get the chicken from.
Fetcher: No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where are you going to get the egg?
Nick: From the chicken that comes from the egg.
Fetcher: Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken.
Nick: Yeah, but you've got to get the chicken first to get the egg, and then you get the egg... to get the chicken out of...
Fetcher: Hang on, let's go over this again. 

                                             -Chicken Run

    I thought I would share a laugh today...  I hope everyone has a great day.

Quote of the day

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. 

~Mary Anne Radmacher

 

Just scrolling down my news feed on Facebook and I saw this quote for one of my friends status I loved it and thought I would share it!

Quote of the day

"There are those among you who, although young,

have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow.

My heart is filled with compassion and love for you.

How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father.

Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you.

Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us;

He did it for you. You are not alone." 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Quote of the day and a challenge

“We can begin to become more diligent and concerned

at home by telling the people

we love that we love them.

Such expressions do not need

to be flowery or lengthy.

We simply should sincerely and frequently express love.” 

David A. Bednar

        This is my favorite advice that I love to tell all the newlyweds that I go see in line at their reception on their wedding day.  They need to remember to say I Love You daily to their spouse and make it a habit.  My hubby and I say it everyday.

Challenge for today tell everyone that lives in your home how much you love them and show it!

Laughter the Best kind of Medicine

"The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed."
  Sabastein-Roch Nicolas Chamfort - Quote Book

    Today is going to be a wonderful day!  We are inviting hubby's side of the family over to see our new place and to have lunch together.  I'm so happy that we were able to get all moved in before Monday.  We are so grateful to my sister and her husband for letting us borrow their truck so that we could move over our weekend and on Saturday only have the furniture to move and the couple of boxes that were to heavy to carry ourselves.  We are so grateful for the ward and all their help moving it is so nice when we have the Elders Quorum helping out.  So hubby and I have been busy unpacking since last Tuesday and we are completely done.  We even have the apartment decorated.  Making it feel like home.  I'm happy to say that we were able to keep some things out that were in our Daughters room and it is just such a good reminder.  Even though that we moved she is still with us watching over us.  Our little kitty cat has come to love this new place also (I think it is because there are a lot more hiding places for him this time).  I just have to say this new place of ours has brought lots of happiness and laughter into our lives.

So the challenge for the day is to look around and see what brings laughter and smiles into your life!!!

(and for the Americans Happy Presidents Day!!!) 

Quote of the day

"Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart."
— Gordon B. Hinckley

 

 

I loved listening to Gordon B. Hinckley and knowing that he is a true prophet.  I cried the day that he died.  It was the first real time that I remember a prophet dying.  It saddened my heart but I'm so truly for his wonderful counsel that he had given us.  So for today just remember this wonderful quote and smile because you know that we are blessed being able to hear the counsel from the Lord through his Prophets.

 

 

Quote of the day

I thought I would share one of my favorite comic strips.  I can laugh for hours reading Calvin and Hobbes but today I have to go pack and clean our apartment and I'm pretty much feeling like Calvin I would rather be enjoying my imagination than having to clean...

Quote of the day

"The Savior's invitation is clear and direct, and importantly for us, it is constant: 'Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden. . . . Take my yoke upon you, . . . for . . . my burden is light' (Matthew 11:28-30). This is the Lord's promise to me and to you.

"My prayer for each of us is that we will remember when the Lord has spoken His peace to us and has encircled us in the arms of His love. And just as important, will you, if you haven't felt that love for a while, seek to see it and feel it as you go about the ordinary tasks of your life. As you do this, over the days and months and years of your life, the memories of those interactions with the Lord will become sweet gifts to open a second time--or many times--to bolster you when life is difficult.

" 'Peace I give unto you,' the Lord promises, 'not as the world giveth, give I unto you' (John 14:27). Peace. Strength. It is what we long for and what is possible. We only need to turn toward His reaching arms."

 -Kathleen H. Hughes

Quote of the day

“We should learn to be patient with ourselves. Recognizing our strengths and our weaknesses, we should strive to use good judgment in all of our choices and decisions, make good use of every opportunity, and do our best in every task we undertake. We should not be unduly discouraged nor in despair at any time when we are doing the best we can. Rather, we should be satisfied with our progress even though it may come slowly at times.”

-Joseph B. Wirthlin

 

Quote of the day

"The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that “friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism.’” That thought ought to inspire and motivate all of us because I feel that friendship is a fundamental need of our world. I think in all of us there is a profound longing for friendship, a deep yearning for the satisfaction and security that close and lasting relationships can give. Perhaps one reason the scriptures make little specific mention of the principle of friendship is because it should be manifest quite naturally as we live the gospel."

-Marlin K. Jensen

Today was a good day I got to hang out with some of my friends.  I love how friendship brings laughter and smiles into your daily life.  Look around you and see all the friends in your life and see how blessed you are.