Thursday, June 23, 2011

Just some thoughts

  I haven't really been writing down how I'm doing since the birth of my daughter.  This is how I have been feeling...
 * I laugh
 * I smile
 * I live
 * I love
 * I'm Happy
 * I'm Sad
 for the most part I keep on living my life.

My road trip by myself was wonderful.  I had a great time being able to see my friend and her little newborn baby.  I had a great time snuggling up to the cute little baby.
It is nice knowing that I can go on a road trip by myself and being able to have a fun journey.  I got to sing loudly to my music in the car.  I got to enjoy the beauty of the mountains and the open fields.  I got to enjoy the rain to the sunshine on the way there and the way back.  I'm proud to say I can drive through a heavy rainstorm and come out on the other side with the sun.  I loved Winnie-the-Pooh when I was little I remember watching the cartoon when I was little.  Well whenever I see rain clouds I think of the song Winnie-the-Pooh bear sings "I'm just a little black rain cloud..." I always picture the page or the cartoon when he covers himself up and sings the song to get to the honey bees.  The page and the cartoon it is a beautiful day around him.  I always think well I know somewhere beyond this little rain cloud the sun is out and shining and it will shine sometime soon.  My life has had a little rain cloud hanging over me since my daughter.  Some days I have the little rain cloud other days I have the sun.  It was such a nice feeling to drive through the rain and see the sun shining.  I know that one day it will be just the sun shining.  I wanted to tell you about Winnie-the-Pooh because when we were first married I bought some cute little quotes on pieces of wood to decorate our first apartment.  Well the decoration eventually came to live in my daughters nursery because I just wanted a saying of Winnie-the-Pooh for my little girl to be able to look at and read.
here is the quote...

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
A.A. Milne
I read this when I got home from the hospital and it was such a great little comfort my friend when she came over one day took a picture of it because she thought it was such a cute saying.  We now have it hanging up in our hallway in our new place and whenever I see it this is a simple reminder.  So going on this road trip I wasn't alone and I had the company of my daughter watching over me.
as for my journey through this it is still a step at a time.
I walk a little braver, I'm stronger than what I believe.

Quote of the day

Sunday, June 5, 2011


I just have to say this...



*seeing one of my best friends
*getting to hold a new born
*getting some good fun girl time
*being able to take my time getting there
*being able to have time to think and ponder about life

Saturday, June 4, 2011


 I have been thinking that I need to share a little bit about me to show that I truly am going through this experience.  I have shared the story of my daughter, the story of us.  But I haven't really sat down and wrote about me.  I made this blog so that someone could come and see that they are not going through loosing a baby alone.  Someone else is going through the same thing and they are not alone.  I still am telling my story.  But I'm also getting better.  I love my daughter I think of her daily but I don't want to dwell on the what if's?  I have the days that I go through the what if's in life they are not the best days.  

What is?
  • your favorite COLOR?  > if you asked me a year ago I could of told you it is red.  It matters on the shade of red.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of told you pink.  ask me today what my favorite color is and I would I have to go with YELLOW, BLUE, and GREEN.
  • your favorite FOOD? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said steak, or a pot roast cooked in the crock pot.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said Watermelon with Salt on it.  ask me today what my favorite food is I would have to return to steak.
  • your favorite CANDY BAR? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said m&m's.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said jolly ranchers, chewy fruit candies and no chocolate unless it is a butterfinger.  ask me today what my favorite candy bar is I would have to say anything with Chocolate.
What is?
  • your least favorite COLOR? > my least favorite color right now is purple.
  • your least favorite FOOD? > my least favorite food would have to be ___________ I'll let you know when I get one.
  • your least favorite CANDY BAR? > my least favorite candy bar is anything with dark chocolate.
Why the changes with my favorites because I get new experiences every couple of months and my life is always changing.  I also wanted to write about the things that I was craving when I was pregnant with my daughter and the things that are now my favorites.
My favorite color is the only one I really want to explain.  I have always changed my mind with colors since I can remember so it is fun to see them change.  My favorite color was pink all last year whenever I saw anything pink I wanted it.  I know the reason why it was pink because my favorite color when I was little was pink and I wanted my daughter to love pink also.  Yellow is now one of my favorite colors and that is because my daughter wore a yellow dress and she shined in that dress.  Green is because her blanket that is behind my pillow is green and that is the last thing I see before I go to sleep.  Blue because if it blue sky's outside it is the perfect day to be outside and enjoying the weather.

*sorry that the post was so long but I just wanted you to know a little bit more about me  

Friday, June 3, 2011

life and goals

I want to set some goals for me.  I have been sleeping a lot lately.  I'm not liking how much I sleep.  It is making it so that I don't have enough time to clean, go see my family, and friends.  It could be because I have been missing my baby a lot more usually.  I also think that I'm stressed one night each week I dread going into work.  I have been clenching my teeth I have never clenched my teeth.  I find myself having to open my mouth so that it can relax and not clench.  My jaw is currently hurting because I found myself clenching my teeth 5 minutes ago.  I don't know if it is stress/depression that is getting to me.  So I find myself wanting to have some goals in motion.

  • to stop drinking caffeine. drink more water.
  • to start going walking in the mornings after work.
  • to start looking for the positives in work.
  • to do a half an hour of cleaning each day.
I'm just going to do some simple feel good goals for right now.

Maybe doing small things will help with my sleeping problem and also my teeth clenching.  Who knows  I guess I will see changes soon hopefully.

On a happy note one of my best friends had her baby.  The friend who I threw the baby shower for had her baby so I will be taking a trip up to see her and her baby next week.  I'm excited/scared.  Excited to see my friend.  Scared because this is the longest trip I will have ever taken by myself.