I have a fear

  I have a new fear in my life to add to my collection of fears.  I already have a fear over snakes, mice, and worms.  Yes, I know worms who is afraid of worms I am.  But my new fear that is being added to the list and this is the one that scares me the most.  What if I already had the chances of becoming a mom and I will never be able to be a mom again.  This one has made the top of the list.  I'm scared that was going to be the only chance that my husband and I had to becoming parents.  I never complained about my pregnancy symptoms and I had a ton I could of complained about but I never did.  I just took everything as it came even when my head was in the toilet bowl or when I had an IV in me giving me fluid so that I could become hydrated again.  I wonder why I have to learn this lesson it is a hard lesson to learn.  I want to know why I said give me this trial I want it give it to me.  I would of rather been like my co-worker who stood in line for a small bladder and having to use the bathroom every 15 minutes instead of standing in the line of broken hearts.  I know this is a big lesson for me to learn and I'm not going to learn it right away that it is going to take time to heal my heart and there will be always be a little piece missing.  I know that my Heavenly Father and my daughter wrap their arms around me to give me the strength to live my daily life.  So for today I'm going to pray for that comfort to be with me so I don't cry all day long and can see the good in life.