Thursday, January 20, 2011

Our Daughters Viewing

(long one sorry)
I have to tell about the stuff no one wants to hear I know it sucks.   The night before my daughters funeral I was moving to be closer to my hubby for some cuddles before going to sleep when I was in the process my milk came.  That was painful and a slap in the face to me like another reminder that my daughter wasn't with us.  I was okay until I woke up and I was in pain.  My friend B was coming over to do my hair for me.  So she came over and we got my mind off of the pain by just talking.  My friend also helped me and I thank her with all my heart helped me get ready she helped me put on the dress.  It is one of those wrap around dresses and oh my I didn't really know how to put it on.  So she helped me into my dress.  My mom and sister came over right as we were leaving the bedroom.  My sister was here to do my makeup for me.  Yes, I was a little pampered and didn't have to worry about doing the whole getting ready for the day.  I just got to sit and think about the day ahead of me.  My mom however was there to help me get over the pain of the milk.  I was given so many things that everyone was joking that I was a pill popper.  To this day I cannot even remember what was given to me.  I know that the lora tab was given to me and also the other magic pill we called it the happy pill it was given to me whenever I started to get angry at people.  So we finished getting ready.  We than drove to the mortuary where we were going to have the viewing.  I was thinking I just want to see my daughter I want to soak up time with her.  I of course got stopped by the people out in front who couldn't stay longer and wanted to give me their blessing which I'm grateful for.  But I was on my way to be able to see my daughter when I got bombarded by others wanting me to do other little random tasks I finally broke out of my daze and just said "I just want to see my daughter let me go see her."  I than raced over to my daughter and gave her a kiss on the forehead and said mommy is here.  I stood by her side the entire time I didn't leave it she looked like an angel in her pretty white dress.  I knew she was with us and telling us how much she loved us and she didn't want us to be in pain.  My daughter kept me strong when everyone was giving me hugs and telling me how sorry they were.  My cousin J than came up to me and his eyes were already swollen he was the first this year to give my grandma another great grandchild my sister had the second so June, July, and August I was August.  My cousin J and his wife were scared that they were going to loose the baby but it didn't happen.  He walked up to me and gave me the biggest hug and said I wish that this would of never happened I said me too and we just cried.  (I love the men in my family because they not afraid to let the tears stream their face)  I was doing okay than it came time to give the family prayer (in our religion we say a family prayer in a circle before we say our earthly goodbyes) my dad gave the family prayer in the hospital before she went to the mortuary (which gave us the greatest comfort to be able to let our daughter go).  My dad than gave the family prayer again and it was just as beautiful.  I said my earthly goodbye to my daughter I whispered my little saying to her.  My dad than grabbed me and held on to me when I sobbed as my heart was breaking because that was the last time I got to kiss my sweet angel goodbye before I see her again in the eternities.

1 comment:

  1. jessica you are such a strong beautiful person.
    you and your husband are always in my thoughts.