It has been 5 months

It has been 5 months since the day our daughter was still born and my heart still mourns for my little girl.  My little girl was perfect she was absolutely perfect.  I wish sometimes wish that I could still have her to see her beauty develop.  But than I remember that this was part of God’s plan and that we will one day see her beauty.  My life has been a roller coaster these last months.  My brother lost his son.  His son was premature by 15 weeks my little nephew put up a good fight but Heavenly Father also wanted him back. (roller coaster)  Inside I feel as my daughter was lonely seeing all her cousins down here on earth and was getting lonely so she now has a cousin to play with.  I know she was right there waiting for him when he returned.

My daughter influenced my life for the short time that she was here with me.  I had a photographer come to the Hospital and take pictures of my daughter and that is what I want to do and offer my service to other families.  I just got a DSLR camera and I’m just learning how to use it.  It makes my days seem not so boring now.  I pull out my camera and go on an adventure to find a great picture to take.  My husband is busy with school and I envy him.  I wish that I could go to school and have my mind on other things for the couple of hours he is at school.  My dream and I hope becomes a reality soon is that I will be able to take an online course of photography.  I think if I stayed busy with a photography course online I wouldn’t have as much free time to think about my daughter.  Its not because I don’t like thinking about my daughter it just makes my heart hurt.  I know in my heart that my daughter would not want me to be sad for her but instead be happy for her.  I know that my daughter is up in Heaven with family that loves her and family is telling stories to her about her mom and dad.  I know that she is giggling at the stories.  I know that she is my little guardian angel and she is always here to comfort me when I need it.  So I’m not trying to forget about my little girl but I’m trying to carry on like she would want me to.