Thursday, February 3, 2011

The holidays

The holidays have came and gone but this is my story of the first holiday with my daughter gone and I would love to share it.  My life has been in a whirlwind I have told you about the big things that have happened to me.  I got through the holidays but I did cry and especially at Christmas time.  I wanted to be pregnant last Christmas and that was the only gift I wanted in ‘09. Quick background story about that Christmas.  I was so excited for Christmas because if I had done my calculating right I was able to do the gross thing and find out if I was pregnant I woke up that morning and did my normal waking up routine you know put in contacts, brush my teeth use the bathroom.  But that morning was different because I was so excited I did the gross thing first and than did the rest.  Well before I could get to doing the gross thing I was already starting to be visited by mother nature.  I just did my normal routine than hubby and I went to open Christmas gifts.  We had opened everything than my husband pulls out another present I open it and it is a Wii I was excited don't get me wrong.  But than I just started to cry for a second hubby thought I was excited about the Wii.  I was but I was sad that the only Christmas gift I wanted didn't come true.  A week later I found out that I was pregnant and my present really did happen.  I planned Christmas in my head over and over again while I was pregnant than I blocked out all the ideas in September, October, and November.  In December one plan happened that I had not wanted to happen.  My nephew was buried right next to my daughter and they sang him a Christmas song I cried non-stop my heart was breaking again for my daughter and for my brothers son.  That was the hardest part of Christmas.  We went to her grave decorated it on Christmas Eve we gave her a small live Christmas Tree with a stocking.  It made my heart hurt that I had to celebrate Christmas that way with her instead of watching her enjoy the lights on Christmas.  I love my little angel and I’m glad that she got to spend her Christmas with Our Savior.

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