Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Going back to work

Going back to work.

   I thought going back to work would be a blessing in some ways and in other ways the worst part of all.  I went back a week early because I thought that is when I was suppose to return luckily after telling everyone that my daughter was a STILL BORN the person in charge told me that I didn’t have to be back to work until the next week and asked me if I wanted to go home.  I was crying and said yes.  I see it as a blessing from my daughter she knew I was in pain.   She knew that I wanted to go home and just be able to cry.  When I got home my dear best friend was able to come and hangout with me for awhile.  I stayed up a little bit more after she went home and when I went to bed I realized my hubby wasn’t going to be there to hold me while I drifted off to sleep.  I eventually fell asleep but in the back of mind I was feeling all alone.  So I turned for my comfort I started sleeping with the blanket my daughters blanket that she was wrapped up in after she had her bath.  I found great comfort in that.  So yes I sleep with a blankee like I’m a little girl again. That weekend I went over and spent the nights with my sister her husband was out of town and I got to be her little sis.  My family is the best support system that I have and I’m so grateful for them.  So I returned back to work and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be after I told everyone the news the week prior.  My boss came and talked to me about how she mourned the loss of my daughter and she mourned for the pain my mom had to be going through because she also lost a grandchild and her heart broke for her son.  I had my strength.  I carried pictures of her in my work bag.  I read a lot to pass the time. 

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