Quote of the day

just EXCITED!

I just have to say this...

I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT MY LITTLE ROAD TRIP COMING UP!!!



THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO ON MY ROAD TRIP

*seeing one of my best friends
*getting to hold a new born
*getting some good fun girl time
*being able to take my time getting there
*being able to have time to think and ponder about life

ME

 I have been thinking that I need to share a little bit about me to show that I truly am going through this experience.  I have shared the story of my daughter, the story of us.  But I haven't really sat down and wrote about me.  I made this blog so that someone could come and see that they are not going through loosing a baby alone.  Someone else is going through the same thing and they are not alone.  I still am telling my story.  But I'm also getting better.  I love my daughter I think of her daily but I don't want to dwell on the what if's?  I have the days that I go through the what if's in life they are not the best days.  

What is?

• your favorite COLOR?  > if you asked me a year ago I could of told you it is red.  It matters on the shade of red.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of told you pink.  ask me today what my favorite color is and I would I have to go with YELLOW, BLUE, and GREEN.
• your favorite FOOD? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said steak, or a pot roast cooked in the crock pot.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said Watermelon with Salt on it.  ask me today what my favorite food is I would have to return to steak.
• your favorite CANDY BAR? > if you asked me a year ago I would of said m&m's.  if you asked me this question ten months ago I would of said jolly ranchers, chewy fruit candies and no chocolate unless it is a butterfinger.  ask me today what my favorite candy bar is I would have to say anything with Chocolate.

What is?

• your least favorite COLOR? > my least favorite color right now is purple.
• your least favorite FOOD? > my least favorite food would have to be ___________ I'll let you know when I get one.
• your least favorite CANDY BAR? > my least favorite candy bar is anything with dark chocolate.

Why the changes with my favorites because I get new experiences every couple of months and my life is always changing.  I also wanted to write about the things that I was craving when I was pregnant with my daughter and the things that are now my favorites.
My favorite color is the only one I really want to explain.  I have always changed my mind with colors since I can remember so it is fun to see them change.  My favorite color was pink all last year whenever I saw anything pink I wanted it.  I know the reason why it was pink because my favorite color when I was little was pink and I wanted my daughter to love pink also.  Yellow is now one of my favorite colors and that is because my daughter wore a yellow dress and she shined in that dress.  Green is because her blanket that is behind my pillow is green and that is the last thing I see before I go to sleep.  Blue because if it blue sky's outside it is the perfect day to be outside and enjoying the weather.

*sorry that the post was so long but I just wanted you to know a little bit more about me  

life and goals

I want to set some goals for me.  I have been sleeping a lot lately.  I'm not liking how much I sleep.  It is making it so that I don't have enough time to clean, go see my family, and friends.  It could be because I have been missing my baby a lot more usually.  I also think that I'm stressed one night each week I dread going into work.  I have been clenching my teeth I have never clenched my teeth.  I find myself having to open my mouth so that it can relax and not clench.  My jaw is currently hurting because I found myself clenching my teeth 5 minutes ago.  I don't know if it is stress/depression that is getting to me.  So I find myself wanting to have some goals in motion.

          GOALS:

• to stop drinking caffeine. drink more water.
• to start going walking in the mornings after work.
• to start looking for the positives in work.
• to do a half an hour of cleaning each day.

I'm just going to do some simple feel good goals for right now.

Maybe doing small things will help with my sleeping problem and also my teeth clenching.  Who knows  I guess I will see changes soon hopefully.

On a happy note one of my best friends had her baby.  The friend who I threw the baby shower for had her baby so I will be taking a trip up to see her and her baby next week.  I'm excited/scared.  Excited to see my friend.  Scared because this is the longest trip I will have ever taken by myself.

counting blessings

I haven't been blogging much and I'm sorry for that I have been working on a project instead and I'm happy to say it is finally complete.  Have you heard of shutterfly it is a website where you can make books, cards, get prints and more.  Well my hubs computer died in February the week we were moving perfect timing and he needed one for school.  We went to get him a new computer and with the new computer shutterfly for a promo added to his computer package to get a free 8x8 book.  That was in February I know and it is now the end of May.  For the free book I have been making a scrapbook for our daughter.  It has been one BIG project and I'm so happy that I got it complete.  The one downside to this website is the text box.   You can't hit copy and paste.  I wrote my daughter a letter while I was in the hospital with her and I wanted to add it I already had it typed up it was 6 pages single space and I couldn't copy and paste.  I also had to go through and shorten some of the letter.  I have been working on typing that up and than going through it over and over to make sure there were no little mistakes.
  Along with that project I planned one of my best friends baby shower.  It was fun to give my friend that shower and to see the happiness on her face.  It was lots of fun.  This month has been full of the ups and full of the downs.  The Saturday before Mothers day a local venue let the families that have angel babies come and walk around the gardens.  I went with my mom, sister and her baby.  It was a nice day and it was fun to be out with them.  I work midnights so that night is when it really really hit me.  I missed my little girl more than anything.  All I could think about is how big she would be, if she would love to cuddle and give kisses.  My hubby also was missing her so we both had a cry that morning for our daughter.  It was a hard holiday to go through.  We went and saw our moms and gave them flowers.  My hubby gave me a necklace with the birthstone of our daughters birth month.
  Memorial day is today and lets just say Mothers day feelings are coming back.  Memorial day has always been a go put some flowers on Grandpa's grave than get together with families.  This year we have flowers to buy for 3 graves and my heart is hurting.  I never thought I would have to go put flowers on a grave for my daughter.  I never thought I would have to get flowers for a nephew who is up in heaven with my daughter.  My heart is aching today.

Our Anniversary

My hubby and I have made it to our 3 year anniversary and we both have an eternity to go with each other.  In other words were stuck like glue to one another.  We had a wonderful anniversary together.  We went on a over night stay.  It was wonderful to get away and be with each other.  The first day it was rainy so we stayed in and had fun going seeing all the other resorts.  The next day the sun came out to shine.  We got to go do our tradition we do every year we go to the Zoo to see all the animals.  It was really fun.  On May 3 this year our local zoo had 2 new lemurs born.  We got to see them when they were three weeks old and they were so cute.  Their little hands were bigger than their heads.  It was fun to walk around the zoo in the warm weather.

 

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love – well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived."
~ Meet Joe Black

 

 

 

The best decision

The best decision I have ever made...
choosing my hubby and getting married to him in a LDS Temple so that we could be together for an eternity with each other and our family.

My hubby and I have our 3 year anniversary coming up this weekend.  Last year when we were planning what we were going to be doing for our 2 year anniversary we decided we would go out of town and go on one last getaway before our little girl was born.  We planned a night stay at a resort we went to the Zoo and just walked around loving the time we were going to be having with each other before our little one came... August really showed me how blessed I was to have said yes to my hubby...

 This year was a hard year for us and I'm just grateful to be able to say we made it through to another year and we have eternity to go.

 So to celebrate another year we have decided we are going to go on a overnight stay and go on another adventure.  Because life with my hubby is always an adventure and we have learned that we can stick together through the wonderful times and the hardest times.

Everyone always say they have the best hubby but I TRULY DO HAVE THE BEST HUSBAND IN ALL OF THE WORLD!!!

I remember the day my hubby got home from his mission seeing him for the first time in two years and still having my heart do flips because I was still so much in love with him.  I remember a week later talking about getting married and than two weeks later telling our families that we were in love and that we wanted to get married.  I remember the night I got asked the question and getting asked with a ring pop.  I remember the night before getting married going and meeting his brother and his wife and kids.  I remember my fiance walking me out to my car giving me a hug and telling me that he loved me and he was so excited for the next day.  I remember getting home and spending time with my mom and my family.  I remember when my fiance called me one last time before I saw him at the temple the next day asking if I remember the importance of that day. I couldn't remember until he brought up the event that had inspired me to go to the temple when I was 18 and getting the feeling that I was going to soon meet my future husband and three years later I was going to marry on that same day I got the feeling that I was going to meet my future husband.  I remember the smile on my hubby's face after we said I do.  I remember thinking this is the first day of eternity with my hubby.  I remember the smile on his face when I told him I was pregnant the first time and than how he held me when we found out that I was having a miscarriage.  I remember the second time I told him I was pregnant.  I was to excited to wait to tell him and he had a friend over so I took a picture of the positive and showed him I saw the smile appear again.  The smile that I love.  I remember being in a dark room when we saw our baby on the screen and seeing tears of joy come down my husbands face when we found out we were going to be having a baby girl.  I remember the look on his face when he learned that our daughter was no longer with us.  I remember the smile and seeing his heart melt when he held her for the first time.  I remember him holding me and letting me cry for the loss of our child.  I remember my hubby saying aren't we blessed to have such a perfect spirit to cheer us on towards the Celestial Kingdom.  I remember that the Savior is the one who has given us the most sacred wedding gift of all and that His gift is still blessing our lives daily.

For our three year anniversary we are going to celebrate our love and our family.